Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Anatomy Of A Love Lost

Think back to the first time that you ever fell in love. The first time his lips touched yours and made your heart melt. Remember one of your first dates. You and your new beau took in a movie at Newport on the Levee and after the movie, spent close to an hour making out in his car on an empty Newport city back-street.

Ahhh...those were the days.

Needless to say, it is also permanently engraved in your mind the day when your world came crashing down around you. The day when the one that you thought you would be with for the rest of your life no longer wanted to be in a relationship with you.

"Hoop-shirts and penny-loafers Batman! What are you going to do now?"

Despite the fact that you are going to have to find a new apartment (if you guys live together) and how much it is going to cost to pay for the deposits of the phone, internet and cable services, do not get caught up in the break-up woes. Jealousy and revenge are sweet, but it is so unbecoming of the true aficionado of class and social grace that you know that you are (or at least you think you are).

The truth is, the reason why there are so many ugly break-up stories floating around Cincinnati is because neither of the two people involved (or three, depending on how freaky you are) know exactly what types of emotions are going to erupt when one decides to end a relationship. Speaking from experience, there are 3 distinct phases to a break up that a jilted lover will go through before they move on with the rest of their life. I do realize that each situation that initiates a break-up is different, but in general, these are the 3 emotional phases to look out for.
If you know what to expect, maybe that next break-up will not end up with you spending a night in the Hamilton County Detention Center, missing your left Timberland boot and wondering where everything went wrong.

PHASE 1: Where did the love go?

The first phase is usually the most difficult to get past and the one that hits you the hardest. During this phase, your heart feels like it has just gone through a cheese greater and was plopped back into your chest, still ripped and frayed. During this phase you repeatedly try and talk to the one who used to love you about the reasons why he kicked you to the curb so readily. Because of the nature of the beast, this could end up two different ways. He will tell you the reasons or he will not. Either way, you will be jousted into the 2nd phase weather you want to or not.

PHASE 2 Find ways to change yourself to get him back

After a couple of pints of Grater’s Ice Cream and long nights of being a wall flower at the Dock, you start to think about ways of changing yourself to become a better person. You look deep within yourself to find the things about you that you are ashamed of and dislike. You concoct broad and unrealistic ways of reinventing yourself so that the one that just asked for the keys to his apartment will take you back into his open arms.

PHASE 3: Acceptance

Hopefully, this mantra of self delineation will bring you to the conclusion that he does not want to have you as a lover any longer and that maybe you are better off without him, for the time being. You should take this as a diving board. Weather you want to dive back into another relationship, or maybe pick up another degree at the University of Cincinnati. Whatever you want to do, this is the time to do it.

In the back of your mind, you are always going to hope that the man of your dreams comes back to his senses and wants you back. If that happens, make sure he knows that this fly-by-night cavalcade romance can not continue if he truly wants to revisit the relationship.
By chance, if it is the other way around, keep it in your mind to leave him be and let him find his way. If the way that he finds leads him back to you, then you two were truly meant to be.

Let him fly gurl....let him fly!

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